Child custody is the often the most important and emotional issue that arises in a divorce.  The bottom line on child custody is that the custodial arrangement you will get will be one of two things: (1) Whatever custodial arrangement you and the other parent agree on, or if you cannot agree, then (2) Whatever custodial arrangement a judge believes is in your children’s best interests.   

The good news is that you can agree with the other parent on basically whatever custodial arrangement you prefer and a judge is rarely, if ever, going to reject what you have agreed on.  If you cannot agree, then a stranger in a black robe (a judge) is going to decide for you. 

This stranger will be highly educated, competent and will genuinely desire to do what is best for your children.  Nevertheless, he or she will never know your children, yourself or the other parent as well as you do.  The judge is likely going to hear what you would consider to be a snapshot of the children’s lives and then is going to decide when you and the other parent get to see your children, and the custodial rights that each of you will have.  The judge is mandated to impose whatever custodial arrangement he or she thinks is in the children’s best interests.  That is the only standard.  There is no presumption in favor of a father or mother, or in favor of one custodial schedule over another.  So, at the end of the day, all that is ever going to matter to you is what your judge is going to think is in your children’s best interests on the day you go to Court. Keep in mind, one judge’s world view and life experiences can be very different from another and can impact what they consider to be in the children’s best interests. 

This may sound like a terrifying and/or stressful prospect to you.  The important lesson to take away from that feeling is that you and the other parent have the opportunity to take this matter into your own hands.  Through discussion and compromise you don’t have to leave such a monumental decision up to a judge.   Not only should you make every attempt to settle this matter so that you don’t leave the decision up to a stranger, but your children are also likely to be better off if you are able to do so.   You are likely to have to co-parent your children for many years with the other parent.  This means communicating with one another about the children and attempting to raise them in a consistent and cooperative manner is essential.  Productive communications is far more likely to be successful if you start off by agreeing with (or at least compromising with) one another, rather than going to court and dragging each other through as much mud as is possible.  That process opens wounds for each other, and often for the children, that may take years to heal, if they ever do.

Alas, trial is sometimes necessary for a multitude of reasons.  In that case, we will use all admissible evidence and information that is available to convince the judge to agree with your view of what is in the best interests of the children.